Fifty percent of couples are dissatisfied with their sex life. How do you keep the passion in a long-term relationship? This book is about common sex issues a couple may have. It gives advice and it offers solutions. Written by a doctor of clinical psychology with extensive knowledge about relationships and sex, this book is not only for couples but for everyone who wants to have a great relationship and a fulfilling love life and for health practitioners who want to know the most common issues couples bring to therapy. This book is about love and sex, myths and taboos, dysfunctions, problems and mistakes that people bring to therapy and how to avoid them. It is a self-help guide backed by current research to help people of all ages, from very young to old age, create healthy relationships, and achieve self-actualization.
Not enough mental foreplay
Make sure to be attentive to your partner. Flickr/stoichiometry
Good sex starts in the mind. Setting the mood for sex is important, especially to women. I am talking here about the mental foreplay that happens days in advance, not the one that you have just before sex. Make sure to be attentive to your partner. Small gestures and nice comments are significant to setting the right mood for sex. I often hear of women who wait all day long for their husband to get back home from work. She prepares dinner; she anticipates the interaction when he gets through the door, what she is going to tell him about. She imagines what will happen after the dinner; she even feels frisky. Then, the moment he gets home, he makes some stupid comment about her dinner choice or the way she looks, or something trivial about her day, ruining her mood completely. Just because you bring home the bacon doesn’t mean that you can behave in this manner. Mutual respect and appreciation will get you more sex than finding flaws in your partner.
The power of ‘I love you’
The kissing booth love you scene
Saying “I love you” during sex is crucial for a happy sex life. Netflix
A recent study published in the Journal of Sex Research concluded that saying “I love you” during sex is crucial for a happy sex life and high relationship satisfaction (Frederick et al., 2016). The study analyzed answers from longtime married or cohabited (minimum three years) heterosexual men and women. The average age of the men was 46 and 40 for women. The study measured current sexual satisfaction and sexual satisfaction against that of the first six months of the relationship. A total of 39,000 people participated in the survey. Compared to the first six months of the relationship, when 83% were sexually satisfied, the current situation was different, as only 43% of men and 55% of women were currently satisfied.
Sex without orgasm
bridesmaids bad sex
If oral sex is performed skillfully, almost all women can climax. Universal Pictures
Orgasm is a major source of enjoyment for both men and women. It is the climax of the sex act for many, and those who do not achieve orgasm (mostly women) often feel they are missing out on full sexual enjoyment. Though we can enjoy the sex act even without orgasm because the intimacy and closeness with the partner feel so fulfilling, there is no reason why we should settle and stop trying to have one. Statistics say that 95% of men reach orgasm when having sex with a partner, but only 69% of women do the same (Richters et al., 2006). Those women who achieved orgasm did so due to the help of other practices than vaginal intercourse such as oral sex and manual stimulation of the clitoris. If oral sex is performed skillfully, almost all women can climax, as lesbian couples report the highest sexual satisfaction and orgasmic response. According to the DSM-5, 10% of women will never experience an orgasm in their lifetime due to female orgasmic disorder.
microsoft surface laptop
Cybersex addiction is increasing. Melia Robinson/Business Insider
Cybersex addiction is a big problem these days, and it’s not going away. On the contrary, it’s increasing. Gone are the days when you had to go to a sex shop to buy a video. Now, you are only one click away from a pornographic website that is available 24/7, and it’s free. For the first time in history, young men are reporting erectile dysfunction, ejaculation problems, and low sexual desire when with a real-life partner.
Today’s porn is far more compelling than it was in the past due to the unending novelty. It’s not the nudity but the novelty that is exciting. Porn on the internet is highly addictive and damaging to your health.
Not being best friends
couple lying down
Laughing together can make a big difference. Lucy Nicholson/Reuters
John Gottman says that there are only two things that discriminate couples with great sex lives from couples with awful sex lives. Happy couples that have great sex, romance and passion:
Stay friends. They laugh together.
They make sex a priority.
Our love will last forever
gay couple holding hands
The passion might feel like it’s leaving, but it’s actually just evolving. Spencer Platt/Getty Images
Passionate love doesn’t last forever. It peaks early in the relationship but quickly subsides. This is the period when we idealize our partner, but soon enough you will realize that your Prince Charming picks his nose, breaks wind in bed, and his poop smells bad. The things about him that seemed endearing at first, like calling this mother every day or letting his dog lick his face, start to irritate you now.