We’re always looking for relationship advice. We never stop wondering if we’re doing it “right,” because romantic relationships — marriages, specifically — are complex. But when people search for advice, they often forget to consult the best resource we have: marriage counselors.
Because really, why sort through magazine columns when you can look to a trained professional? So here’s a handy first step: one Reddit thread specifically called for the input of marriage counselors. The burning question? To name the most common mistakes that couples make. Regardless of what stage your relationship is in, it seems like that info would be good to know!
So check out these insightful answers. Your current or future relationship might thank you!
Nobody said marriage was easy.
But then again, it’s not supposed to be, is it? It’s a partnership between two people, and that partnership needs to be navigated with care. So here are a few tips to consider!
Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.
Expecting one person to be everything for them. You need friends, coworkers, a support system, and hobbies.
This should be an obvious mistake:
Keeping secrets or lies.
See, it should go without saying that lying to your spouse isn’t good, but…I guess marriage counselors still need to say it.
Keep the past where it belongs.
I went to 5 sessions with my wife during a tough period. The best things we learned from that is:
Never lash the other with past misbehaviors when trying to resolve a current issue. We have been married 17 years so there is limitless crap we can pull out of our history together to highlight past wrongs and that just derails what could be a quick resolution.
Solve problems instead of making new ones.
When one half says “I am not happy about X”, do not respond with “ok but I am unhappy with Y.” Fix X. Get settled. Then bring up Y if you still need to.
Recognize that getting help isn’t a failure.
Counselor here. Just want to say how awesome it is you and your spouse went and got the help you needed. Wanted to highlight the importance of getting help early enough, too. Many of us tend to view marriage counseling as a sign of total failure and only resort to it as a last-ditch effort when one or both halves of the marriage are already wanting a divorce. Because of this, marriage counseling can often end in divorce. If couples had gone in earlier when issues were first coming up, they likely could have kept a healthy marriage alive.