The Biggest S*x Mistakes Women Make, As Told By Men - Healthy Mates Ideas

The Biggest S*x Mistakes Women Make, As Told By Men

Whenever I’m asked what I think is one of the leading causes of the breakdowns in relationships, out of all of the things that I could mention, pride always tops the list. Prideful people are never wrong and they want everything to be all about them. They would rather have their front teeth pulled than to take ownership for their actions, and they like to manipulate, deflect, and cast blame. Prideful people always want to teach but, at the same time, can’t be taught anything. They are self-consumed, and, ironically, tend to live in a state of denial about their pridefulness.

Yeah. This is definitely going to be one of those kind of articles that just might hit a nerve a couple of times. I know that once I decided to do some self-introspection so that I could break a few relationship-related patterns myself, a couple of these were a hard pill to swallow.

This won’t be easy, but I promise that if you’re willing to take a deep breath, push your pride aside and do a bit of your own self-reflection, this piece will either bring clarity or confirmation—just the thing that you need in order to avoid some of the pitfalls that, quite possibly, have been keeping you from having the kind of relationship that we both know you deserve.
RELATIONSHIP MISTAKE #1: Settling for a Situationship When You Desire a Relationship

While I don’t think that titles are always necessary in a relationship, what I am a huge fan of is clarity. If there’s one thing that situationships tend to lack a lot of, it’s that. I mean, just think about it—it’s not even a real word! Still, I do know what it’s like to desire to be in something with someone so badly that if I had to be confused or dissatisfied in some way, just to keep the what-the-hell-is-this dynamic working, so be it. And you know what? It was always a BIG mistake to do so.

One of the biggest problems with settling for a situationship is it causes you to overlook the red flags of the person you are in that “grey area” with. What I mean by that is, people who know exactly what they want are usually not vague and cryptic. You know who are, though? Commitment-phobes. F-ck boys. All around players.

Emotionally mature individuals have no problem discussing what they are doing or where something is heading. So, if the person you’re currently seeing acts like you bringing these types of questions up is a form of you being “high-maintenance” or “dramatic”—stay if you want to, but good luck trying to turn that into something lasting, reliable or solid. Good luck trying to make a situationship an actual relationship.
RELATIONSHIP MISTAKE #2: Thinking Your Girl Friends Know More than Your Guy Friends—About Guys

In order to get a real feel for this point, how ridiculous do you think it would be if, whenever a guy wanted to understand the true innerworkings of the women in his life, he only asked other men. Yes, when it comes to understanding how human nature works, the opposite sex can be pretty insightful. At the same time, you are missing out on some real gems if all you do is ask guys about girls or girls about guys. I can’t tell you how many times I have posed a scenario to a woman, then a man and gotten two totally different perspectives after I did. I must admit that more times than not, the women romanticized the issue while the guy offered up some “Ouch. For real?” food for thought. Not only that, but also more times than not, the guy was right.

So yeah, if you want to know what makes men tick, it is truly worth your time to actually ask your boys more than your girls. Men tend to be a lot more “straight no chaser” which can help you to get your heads out of the clouds, while keeping your feet on the ground, you heart from getting broken and your time from being (further) wasted.

RELATIONSHIP MISTAKE #3: Feeling Like the More You Do, the More He’ll Love You

If there’s one word I think is the cause of some of the biggest disappointments in relationships, it’s “convince”. It means “to persuade”, and if there’s one thing I see far too many women do, it’s that. They think that if they can somehow persuade (appeal or urge) a man to see all of the good that they can bring into his life, somehow he will love them the way that they want to be loved (deep sigh). The reality is, a person choosing to love us doesn’t have a ton to do with how much we do; it’s more about who we are, what they want and if they choose to love us—or not.

Back when I penned the partial personal narrative “Why You’re Always The One Who Prepares A Man For His Wife”, a part of the reason why I constantly found myself in that cycle was because I convinced my own damn self that loving a man like a wife would will make him desire me like a husband should. But you know what? My healthiest relationships to-date have been with men where I didn’t have to do much more than simply be myself. I didn’t have to spend a lot of time figuring out how I could get them to love me; they loved me as is.

Does it sometimes take time and compromise for love to grow? Yep. More times than not, in fact. But if you really believe that God is love (I John 4:8 and 16) and that He’s the source of healthy love—think about what you’ve got to do in order to be loved by Him. Think about how much convincing and persuading are required and you’ll see my overall point. Someone who is meant to love you will not need to you to break your neck or back in order to get them to do it. They will because they do. And that’s the kind of love that you truly deserve. Never ever forget that.

RELATIONSHIP MISTAKE #4: Being a Man’s “Interpreter”

In the article “8 Things Men Need—That Many Of Us Aren’t Giving Them”, one of the things that is mentioned is respect. Well, you know what, y’all? One of the ways to show a man that you truly do respect him is to listen to what he says, take it at face value, don’t read into what isn’t there, and don’t speak for him when he doesn’t ask for you to. Unfortunately, I think a lot of women are so used to appointing themselves to being the spokesperson for what they think a man really thinks and feels that they don’t realize that either 1) they couldn’t be further from the mark and/or 2) it is one of the most irritating and yes, disrespectful things to do.

Sometimes, we’ve got to admit that, when it comes to gender roles, there can be double standards on both ends. If a man was to speak for or over a woman, somehow, he’s controlling or chauvinistic. Oh, but let a woman do it and all of a sudden, she’s intuitive. Be careful with that. Many men don’t open up and connect more with their partner, not because he doesn’t have more to say. It’s because, in his mind, he’s thinking, “Since you think you know everything, what’s the point?” And honestly, I can’t say that I blame him.

RELATIONSHIP MISTAKE #5: Acting Like Nagging a Man Is Effective

There’s a scripture in the Bible that says, “It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop [on the flat oriental roof, exposed to all kinds of weather] than in a house shared with a nagging, quarrelsome, and faultfinding woman.” (Proverbs 21:9 AMPC) Keeping that in mind, I don’t know why so many women seem to think that nagging is a smart relationship tactic or an effective form of communication. At the end of the day, all that nagging really is, is a verbal form of Chinese water torture. It also tends to be something that controlling people typically to do. And here’s the thing—have you ever looked up the definitions of “nag” before? One is “to annoy by persistent faultfinding, complaints, or demands” while another is “to keep in a state of troubled awareness or anxiety, as a recurrent pain or problem”. Why would any man want to remain in a relationship when he is constantly being annoyed or feeling anxiety around his partner?

If your immediate quip is, “Yeah well, he wouldn’t be nagged if he’d just do what I wanted him to do,” and to that you add a side of, “when I want him to do it”—I’ll just say three things to that. One, that sounds a lot more like a mother than a lover speaking (and who wants to sleep with their mother?!). Two, if things are that bad, consider therapy over nagging. And three, even the Bible gets why a man would rather be any and everywhere but around a nagger. Yeah, you might think that nagging makes things go your way, but in order for a tactic to be truly effective, it needs to cause something to be functional. Annoying the hell out of someone sounds more dysfunctional if you ask me. But again, that’s just me. Maybe ask your man if you need a co-sign.

RELATIONSHIP MISTAKE #6: Comparing Your Relationship to Others’—in the Media or the Real World

One of the worst things about social media is it can trick people into thinking or believing that all they see is all there is when that couldn’t be further from the truth. I don’t care if it’s Bey and Jay, your pastor and his first lady or two of your closest friends—there is stuff that you know and there is some stuff that you don’t know. And some of the stuff you’re not aware of is the very reason why you shouldn’t assume that someone else’s grass is greener.

It’s one thing to have people in your life who inspire you in certain ways. But if that has gotten to the point and place where you are constantly comparing your relationship, you are headed for, at the very least, some disappointment and disillusionment. Every relationship is unique. Every relationship also has its good and not-so-good parts to it. Basing what you have on what someone else has got is not only unfair but a surefire way to do your own relationship more harm than good.

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