We’ve all done embarrassing things. Most of the time, you can get through life without obsessing over every embarrassing mistake you’ve ever made.
But every once in awhile, you’ll find yourself unable to sleep at night because you’re too busy reliving every single cringe-worthy decision.
Next time that happens, try to resist falling down the rabbit hole, and just read these people’s embarrassing stories instead.
I was watching a movie with my parents when I was 7 and heard the characters talk about porn.
I asked my parents what it meant, and they didn’t tell me, so I looked it up on our family computer.
This was around Christmas time, and I got so scared I wouldn’t get anything for Christmas because I looked it up, so I wrote a letter to Santa apologizing.
He wrote me back and said it was OK. The next year I realized Santa was my parents. It still keeps me up at night. –
I always used to volunteer to help out with first-day registration at my middle school. All my friends gave me crap for being a teacher’s pet/suck up.
The real reason I did it was if you volunteered you got to pick your locker rather than having one randomly assigned.
And I had a gigantic crush on my English teacher.
So both 7th and 8th-grade years of middle school I wound up with a locker directly across from his classroom so I could see him every day.
I found the most ridiculous excuses possible to have to go to my locker.
I may have also sent him the world’s most cringe-inducing anonymous valentine my 8th-grade year. I’m pretty sure he knew it was me but I didn’t care.
I was completely smitten.
It was kind of like that episode of The Simpsons where Lisa gets a crush on Mr. Bergstrom.
Except it wasn’t charming in any way. It was awkward and terrible and a wee bit stalkerish.
When I was in the sixth grade, my friends used to call me a dildo all the time. I used to hate it and get so pissed every time they did.
Crucially, I didn’t know what a dildo was, but I had a sneaking suspicion that it was a penis.
So close, yet so far.
I didn’t realize my error until one fateful day when my friends once again decided to call me a dildo during P.E.
In my anger, I shouted: “At least I have one!”
I’m 30 years old, and to this very day, anytime I see one of those people, they inevitably bring up the fact that in the sixth grade, I shouted that I had a dildo.
I painted my entire weiner blue with a Sharpie when I was like 6.
Don’t know why. It took like 2 weeks to come off. Thought it would be blue forever.
When I was 13, I wrote a pretty detailed Naruto fanfiction.
That wouldn’t be so embarrassing except for that fact that the details included me and a character who was 26 playing strip poker, among other things.
Here’s where I really f**ked myself over: I THEN decided to print the story out so I could read it later and make edits.
However, I decided to bring it into the bathroom to read while I took a bath and left it in there when I was done.
My dad found it and read it and let’s just say he was not happy with the writing content his 13-year-old daughter decided to pick.
I never knew the spleen was a real organ. The name sounded so silly to me that I thought it was a joke.
When did I find out it was an organ? In med school.
I audibly s**t myself in a boardroom meeting once. There were about seven or eight other people in the room, and it happened while my boss was speaking.
He stopped talking, and there were some gasps.
I didn’t know what to do other than profusely apologize and go home. The next day I apologized to my boss and told him I’d been ill.
I still work at the same company, and it hurts every day. This was two years ago.
I accidentally emailed “You up?” to my entire 900+ person office at 11 am on a Tuesday.
We have this company internal Facebook/forum-type website.
I thought I was commenting on something only my friend could see as a joke.
Turns out the forum was set up to send out email updates when someone “gave positive feedback” so when I gave him the feedback of “you up?” it blasted the whole building.